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  Will Winsborrow - Motivational Speaker and Author
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Mind-Full

11/15/2021

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​Mindfulness – I’ve Heard it All Before
                Describing something ad nauseum will surely exhaust its credibility. It may even blend into the mobbed, congested network of our over-stimulated lives; thus, its crucial and precious lesson goes unlearned, unpracticed. Such is the case with Mindfulness. Everywhere you turn someone is talking about mindfulness, even me, right now! But I’m going to tell you the real deal about mindfulness. It’s not complicated.
                When we think of mindfulness we invoke images of Yogi’s levitating, eyes drawn back so only the whites are visible, chanting harmoniously, ohm…ohm…ohm. This is not so. Mindfulness means being present at a precise moment. It is when all your consideration is focused on what you are doing, feeling, saying, enjoying, and being. Mindfulness can be freeing and inspire growth!
Forced to Face
Mindfulness can also be classified as Attention. And attention leads to Control and Balance. We all want control and balance in our lives. It all starts with mindfulness. Mindfulness leads to an altruistic life. You cannot hide from yourself whilst existing in attendance with your thoughts. Being present influences you to evaluate and scrutinize your life; it forces you to face any deficiencies. After that only two things can happen. You can disregard what needs to be changed or fixed in your life or take control and resolve any issues that have become apparent. Thus, growth is inevitable with mindfulness. But, it doesn’t come easy. Consistency is the key!
Practice Makes…Pretty Good
Mindfulness is a skill. It takes time to master like any other ability worth learning. You will never be perfect at being present; there is always room to grow. But you can master it until it becomes second nature. Epictetus was a Stoic philosopher who came to be known in the early second century C.E. He lived first in Rome as a student, and then as a teacher with his own school in Nicopolis, Greece. Epictetus explains in his writing how important it is to practice mindfulness. He told his students once they have let their attention lapse, it is very difficult to recover it, “Do you not realize that when once you have let your mind go wandering, it is no longer in your power to recall it, to bring it back to what is right, to self-respect, to moderation?” We must not allow “life” to influence us and take us away from mindfulness. Being mindful is being in control. Regularity in practice is essential but don’t think school ends any time soon. You’re here for the long haul!
You’re Going to Be Here a While
It is a war not just a battle. Take your time. Making our way through this life is difficult. It starts with our first breath and ends with our last. We are thrown into this world innocent, clueless; immediately we search to make sense of our surroundings. We continue this our entire lives. Epictetus proposed, “It’s a lifelong series of subtle readjustments of our character. We fine-tune our thoughts, words, and deeds in a progressively wholesome direction. When you actively engage in gradually refining yourself, you retreat from your lazy ways of covering yourself or making excuses.” When we are actively engaged in our lives, we are being mindful. And when we are mindful, we have no choice but to grow.
Getting Started
                Try this exercise. You can use a raisin or any other small edible like, nuts, berries, grapes, etc. For this exercise I will use a raisin.
First, take a raisin and hold it in the palm of your hand or between your finger and thumb. Squeeze it gently. Take note of the texture.
Next, Take time to really focus on it; gaze at the raisin with full attention—imagine that you are from another planet and have never seen anything like this before. Reconnoiter every part of it, examining the highlights where the light shines, the darker caverns, the folds and crests, and any unique features. Now, Close your eyes and turn the raisin over between your fingers, squeeze gently.
Take a whiff! Hold the raisin beneath your nose. Inhale. Envelop your nose with the aroma and fragrance. Take note of what may be happening with other senses. Notice your tongue.
Now slowly bring the raisin up to your mouth. Delicately press it to your lips. Feel the texture on your lips. Softly place the raisin in your mouth; do not chew it! Spend a few minutes focusing on the raisin in your mouth. Explore it with your tongue. You should begin to taste it. Try to pick out the sweet and tart sensations. Then, after a few minutes take one bite. Let it continue to roll around your mouth. Notice what exactly happened. How did it split? Did it squish? How big are the remaining pieces?  Continue to chew noticing all the changes.
When you are ready to swallow the raisin, first detect the intent to swallow. Experience the pre-swallow activity, an increase in saliva. Be very conscious as you swallow the raisin. Follow it down until you cannot feel it any longer.
You can apply this same technique to anything in life. Riding a bike, exercising, eating a meal, making love (being mindful during love making increases the pleasure tenfold!), or any other activity in life. One of the best ways to be mindful is to just sit with your thoughts. Don’t try to deflect, deny, or ignore them. Engage with your thoughts. Yes, this can be scary-at first. But after a while it is most assuredly freeing. Be one with yourself. Be good to yourself.
 
~Will


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I'm Not An Addict

5/26/2021

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My definition of addiction is doing something which negatively influences you and your loved ones, yet you continue on into deeper addiction. But what is addiction? Is it really in our control?

Addiction has been and is looked down upon. Often it is seen as a morality issue when that is so far from reality. it's not due to a lack in a person’s character or even their willpower. In its place, we have discovered a multifaceted array of psychological, biological, and social factors that can prompt someone to addictions. It could be buried or recent trauma, family history, abuse, neglect, etc.

Some say addiction involves choice. They are correct. I know this sound harsh to some and may hit a nerve. But the reality is before someone becomes addicted, they made a choice, a decision to witness, consume, and/or engage in actions that brought some sort of pleasure, relief, or escape. But with continuation, soon the “Choice” is replaced with “Need”. Rapidly they become a slave to what they once chose.

I know from what I speak. I am an addict. I have been addicted to many things in my lifetime, sugar, junk food, sex, cigarettes, violence, cocaine, heroin, pain pills, and alcohol. That’s right. At one time all these substances coursed through my veins simultaneously, while I acted upon others. At one point in my life, I was addicted to not eating. I was anorexic. Yep, a male anorexic. More common than you think. I was so addicted to not eating to the point my hair began to fall out and my teeth became weak. Addiction in one form or another had ruled my life. But that was then. This is now. I am clean and sober today and in the best shape of my life. It wasn’t easy. Being free from addiction takes courage, strength, hard work, and support. 

The first step is recognizing that there is a problem. Admitting that you are addicted brings with it a sense of strength. It is easy to deny, deflect, delude while fighting addiction. But it takes great resolve and strength to admit and acknowledge the fight for your life.

Next find support wherever that might be. A friend, partner, coworker, therapist, support group, etc. Whatever it may be-get it! Most of the hard work must come from within but a support system is crucial in being free.

Thirdly I would like to suggest “Radical Acceptance”. This is a practice I used/still use to becoming unstuck. Often there are things in our past that haunts us, holds us down, keeps us from moving forward, and will ultimately come out in a negative way. We have to take a 3rd person view of the situation. Instead of viewing the memory from your original perspective, view it as a 3rd party. Take no judgement either way [this will take some time] just observe. When you are finished viewing realize there is nothing that can be done to change the past. Accept that the situation doesn’t define you. Accept that you are more than being a slave to this ancient memory. Accept that you deserve to move on. Tell yourself that you have nothing to feel guilty or bad about. The only thing you can do now is start heling, move forward, and grow.
Radical Acceptance was the first step I took to being free from addiction. There is much more involved, and it is an ongoing fight. But it does get easier as time goes on. And soon you feel like a warrior who has won a great battle.

Follow me for more info and insights.   ~Will 

Will is available to speak to you and your group regarding this topic and others. Feel free to send an email to discuss how Will can help you.

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Toxic Masculinity

4/19/2021

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Toxic Masculinity [TM] is one of the many apprehensions I am dedicated to understanding, realizing, dissecting, and destroying. Toxic Masculinity [TM] is a poison to men and to the women who have to suffer the consequences of these men. The following is just the beginning to this matter. You’ll soon realize the precariousness of this cancer.
Growing up good male role models were few and far between. Emotional connections were intentionally kept disengaged in my family. Men didn’t cry. Hell, boys didn’t cry. I recall my six-year-old self-seeking emotional comfort after falling and scraping my knees. I was expecting a hug and some reassurance my little knees would be okay. Instead, I received, “are you bleeding?” The answer was, “no, I’m not bleeding”. His response, eyes never turn my way, “Then stop crying and go wash it off.” I did what I was told. The entire time, still crying, I could feel hate and anger grow in my little heart. Emotions a six-year-old shouldn’t be feeling. That was just one ingredient in the noxious recipe of Toxic Masculinity [TM] that shaped my teenage and adult life.
This topic is momentous in my life and I’m on quest to end TM. This focus is important to me because it caused me to live a life that was not mine. I was a different person-putting up masks and shields to keep up a persona that was literally killing me. Men are killing other men and men are killing themselves due to TM. A study from JAMA Psychiatry found that, “In the United States, men die by suicide at 3.5 times the rate of women. One driver of this gender disparity is high traditional masculinity (HTM), [HTM=TM] a set of norms that includes competitiveness, emotional restriction, and aggression. Quantitative studies of HTM are interrelated with discourse on hegemonic masculinity. Using norm- and trait-based measures, HTM men were found to have higher suicidal ideation.”[i]
Some of the seeds of Toxic Masculinity.
  • A man should suffer physical and emotional pain in silence.
  • A man shouldn’t seek warmth, comfort, or tenderness.
  • A man should only have the emotions of bravery and anger.
  • A man shouldn’t depend on anyone. Asking for help is also weak.
  • A man should always want to win, whether in sports, work, relationships, or sex.
  • A man’s penis size commands his level of manliness.
  • A man should never cry.
  • A man should never show fear.
  • A man doesn’t care about fashion or looking good.
  • A man eats meat. Never salad.
  • A man owns and uses a gun.
  • A man doesn’t hug or show affection to another man.
  • A man loves and lives by sports.
At 52, I just recently began to accept the true man that I am. And my definition doesn’t involve any of the bullet points above. My motivation is to free men from the chains and shackles of TM and release the man that has been buried deep down. Next, we will visit some attributes that DO dictate what/who a man may be.


[i] https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamapsychiatry/article-abstract/2760513
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Fear

9/2/2019

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          Sweating, trembling, hot flushes or chills, shortness of breath or difficulty breathing, rapid heartbeat (tachycardia), pain or tightness in the chest, and a sensation of butterflies in the stomach are all symptoms of Fear. Fear-we [Humans] avoid fear when ever possible. We find ways around situations, thoughts, work, goals, and people that cause us fear. And for the most part [it] works. The caveat-Fear is ultimately unavoidable. We will be faced with Fear and we cannot avoid it! We either face it and destroy it or we run and hide. Fear keeps us from achieving goals, making more money, living the dream life, meeting the man/woman of our dreams, and the feeling of pride that we will experience when we reflect and see that Fear was faced and conquered. There is no feeling that can match the magnitude of the feeling of accomplishment.

             Mimicking the road to a heathy fit body-the road to defeating Fear is tough and treacherous. To defeat Fear, you must Get Angry [Positive] and get sick of feeling afraid. Tell yourself that no matter what may come you will face it and deal with it! This isn’t sweet magic; one time is not going to work. You must put it in the work!

The difficult Part:
            You must look deep into yourself and find one of many fears. Beat it about, grab it and drag it out. Then begin to dissect it. Each piece dissected must be examined. Ask yourself: Is this worth fearing? Where’s the evidence? How will I feel conquering this fear? What positive outcome will I gain by defeating this Fear? Answer honestly. After many practice sessions you will be ready to go to war with Fear and be Victorious!           

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​Do this daily. If you can only do it for 5 minutes at a time, then do it! Get some time in each day. Just work your way up until you are ready to face and destroy [it]. When you feel ready to deal with it-be consistent no matter the highs and lows and soon you will be Victorious over the Fear. Now you are officially a Bad Ass!
 
         I would love to work with you on this. Start a dialogue below and let witness the greatest change you will ever make in your life!
 
 
           In my next Blog we will confront Doubt. Sign up for my newsletter and get it as soon as its published!
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Get Angry!

8/23/2019

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       Anger is associated with a negative connotation. We are often warned “Try not to get angry”, “Being angry is not good for your health” “Anger leads to hate”, etc. etc. Anger, being one of our most primal and sophisticated emotions, can be used to our benefit. Coincidently speaking, all of our emotions can be used to our benefit. We are taught and groomed from an early age how to feel, act, react, and express ourselves cautiously with some emotions and negatively when dealing with stronger emotions. Emotions cannot be negative. Let me repeat that to hit it home-EMOTIONS CANNOT BE NEGATIVE! No matter the emotion-it is impossible for them to be negative. Our emotions are geared toward guiding us safely through life.


 
        It was once believed that humans can experience six distinct emotions; Happiness, Sadness, Fear, Anger, Surprise, and Disgust. But a new study published in the Proceedings of National Academy of Sciences-led by Alan S. Cowen and Dacher Keltner PhD (1) -states that there are many human emotions: Admiration, Adoration, Aesthetic, Appreciation, Amusement, Anxiety, Anger, Awe, Awkwardness, Boredom, Calmness, Confusion, Craving, Disgust, Empathetic, pain, Entrancement, Envy,  Excitement, Fear, Horror, Interest, Joy, Nostalgia, Sadness, Satisfaction, Sexual desire, and Sympathy. Whether you are old school and abide by the big 6, or a believer in the new list, they all serve to guide us through situations, issues, troubles, and life in general. Examples: If you experience Confusion it is a signal to step back and reassess the situation in order to provide clarity. If you are experiencing Fear it is a signal to decide to escape or to face the fear head on-destroy it and turn it into Satisfaction. (And just for clarity, escaping something or someone that causes you Fear could be facing it head on and dealing with it-in the case of an abusive spouse or violent circumstance.) Once you change your beliefs toward our human emotions and truly accept that there are no negative emotions, then you can start to use them to your advantage!
 
        In this case we are addressing and using Anger. Not just Anger – POSITIVE ANGER. When we get Angry usually we express it negatively and externally using profanities and often being violent. We also turn it inwards; we bombard ourselves into self-deprecation and shut down and let the Anger stew and boil until it’s expressed in the former. Now let’s try something new. I want you to think of an aspect in your life that is lacking or you are frustrated with; this could be your career, your finances, your relationship, your health or your station in life [living in poverty or being held down by those who lead] and focus deeply on it/them. Now feel the emotion(s). What is/are the emotion(s) you are feeling? Is it Sadness, Disgust, Pain, Fear, Anger, all of them? If it happens to be Anger-you are halfway there. If it is a different emotion we need to turn that into Positive Anger. Do not turn away or deflect your attention from these emotions. Focus deep-feel them! Now slowly begin to remove the Fear, Sadness, Disgust, Pain and fill the voids with POSITIVE ANGER! This anger isn’t the antiquated expression, it is anger built on a foundation of “I’m Fed Up!” This anger is the motivator not your enemy and let’s face it when we are angry it feels Powerful! And it is Powerful! This Anger lights a fire within us and blossoms into excitement-passion, determination and POWER! USE THIS POWER! Get Sick and Tired of the circumstances that are holding you back from your true self and your successful, profitable, happy, fulfilled life AND TAKE ACTION!​

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TAKE ACTION!
          This won’t happen overnight. I only deliver Truth and Openness-even if it hurts. I’m not here to promise you a smooth ride all the way to the end of a rainbow dancing with a fluffy cloud. This process is hard-like anything else worthwhile. You must work at this! If you stay committed, I guarantee that the positive Anger will ignite the fire within you and you will begin to make changes in your life for the better. You are not a victim of your circumstance! You are in control of your life, your destiny! Now get Angry and start making changes. I would love to work with you on this. Start a dialogue below and let witness the greatest change you will ever make in your life!
 
 
          Ø In my next Blog we will confront Fear in all its hellish glory!
·         Socrates concludes that the vices we associate with the emotion of fear — cowardice, but also shameful boldness and
         madness — are all explicable in terms of ignorance of what is and is not to be feared (Protagoras  360b4
‑c7).
 
 
 
          (1)   “27 Human Emotions: Forbes.” Forbes magazine: National Academy of Sciences: Alan S. Cowen and Dacher Keltner
          PhD-
https://www.forbes.com/sites/brucelee/2017/09/09/here-are-the-27-different-human-emotions-according-to-a-
​          study/#147dd84f1335
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Why I Do What I Do

8/11/2019

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       Financial decimation and reduction in the city’s police force were the causes of 1970’s New York becoming one of the most violent, impoverished, impecunious and mournful cities of the 20th century.     Amid all of this I was placed into this world unknowing of my environment.  I grew up poverty stricken. Electricity and gas were a blessing. Many days the apartment was dark and lacking sound.  I had to grow up fast. The city demanded it. If a person didn’t grow up quick and learn how to deal with and navigate the streets, they would fall victim.                   

   
​      At age eight I was the “bag boy” for drug dealers. I would pick up a brown bag from one location and bring it to another.  I would also sit on a stoop with a bag full of nickel and dime bags of various drugs. A customer would approach the dealer, across the street from where I sat, and hand him the money. The dealer would then signal to me as to what and how much I would distribute. I loved this because it made me feel accepted by the streets. My desire to know and experience more of this environment got me caught up in some dicey situations.

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​                                 My desire and never-ending curiosity led me to explore the city. This caused me to end up in scary circumstances. Once a friend and I were lured into a basement apartment with the promise of money and sexually molested by a man. This wasn’t my only experience with sexual abuse. A family friend had his turn and five teenage girls had their way with my 8-year-old body. I never spoke of these horrendous events – feeling guilt ridden.
                                        What follows is a life of drug addiction, violence, abuse, prostitution, incarceration, self-mutilation, sexual promiscuity and countless suicide attempts. This life became my destiny. I was not going to live past the age of 35.

                                  The addiction, violence, abuse, prostitution, incarceration, cutting, sexual promiscuity and suicide attempts made me what I am today. I GOT ANGRY!! - Angry at what my life had become – what my life was going to be. I got angry at myself for wasting what I knew was talent, charm, intelligence and creativity within me. I channeled this anger and changed my life for the better.

                                  Through this I discovered my calling. My calling is to help as many people who suffer as I have . Help them to find their way; their way back to who they truly are. My desire is my calling. I desire to save as many of my brothers and sisters as I can.
                                  If I don’t embrace my calling; if I sit by and let others suffer; if I retreat into the life I once lived, then all my suffering, sadness and pain of my past will all be for nothing.


 
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