Toxic Masculinity [TM] is one of the many apprehensions I am dedicated to understanding, realizing, dissecting, and destroying. Toxic Masculinity [TM] is a poison to men and to the women who have to suffer the consequences of these men. The following is just the beginning to this matter. You’ll soon realize the precariousness of this cancer.
Growing up good male role models were few and far between. Emotional connections were intentionally kept disengaged in my family. Men didn’t cry. Hell, boys didn’t cry. I recall my six-year-old self-seeking emotional comfort after falling and scraping my knees. I was expecting a hug and some reassurance my little knees would be okay. Instead, I received, “are you bleeding?” The answer was, “no, I’m not bleeding”. His response, eyes never turn my way, “Then stop crying and go wash it off.” I did what I was told. The entire time, still crying, I could feel hate and anger grow in my little heart. Emotions a six-year-old shouldn’t be feeling. That was just one ingredient in the noxious recipe of Toxic Masculinity [TM] that shaped my teenage and adult life.
This topic is momentous in my life and I’m on quest to end TM. This focus is important to me because it caused me to live a life that was not mine. I was a different person-putting up masks and shields to keep up a persona that was literally killing me. Men are killing other men and men are killing themselves due to TM. A study from JAMA Psychiatry found that, “In the United States, men die by suicide at 3.5 times the rate of women. One driver of this gender disparity is high traditional masculinity (HTM), [HTM=TM] a set of norms that includes competitiveness, emotional restriction, and aggression. Quantitative studies of HTM are interrelated with discourse on hegemonic masculinity. Using norm- and trait-based measures, HTM men were found to have higher suicidal ideation.”[i]
Some of the seeds of Toxic Masculinity.
[i] https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamapsychiatry/article-abstract/2760513
Growing up good male role models were few and far between. Emotional connections were intentionally kept disengaged in my family. Men didn’t cry. Hell, boys didn’t cry. I recall my six-year-old self-seeking emotional comfort after falling and scraping my knees. I was expecting a hug and some reassurance my little knees would be okay. Instead, I received, “are you bleeding?” The answer was, “no, I’m not bleeding”. His response, eyes never turn my way, “Then stop crying and go wash it off.” I did what I was told. The entire time, still crying, I could feel hate and anger grow in my little heart. Emotions a six-year-old shouldn’t be feeling. That was just one ingredient in the noxious recipe of Toxic Masculinity [TM] that shaped my teenage and adult life.
This topic is momentous in my life and I’m on quest to end TM. This focus is important to me because it caused me to live a life that was not mine. I was a different person-putting up masks and shields to keep up a persona that was literally killing me. Men are killing other men and men are killing themselves due to TM. A study from JAMA Psychiatry found that, “In the United States, men die by suicide at 3.5 times the rate of women. One driver of this gender disparity is high traditional masculinity (HTM), [HTM=TM] a set of norms that includes competitiveness, emotional restriction, and aggression. Quantitative studies of HTM are interrelated with discourse on hegemonic masculinity. Using norm- and trait-based measures, HTM men were found to have higher suicidal ideation.”[i]
Some of the seeds of Toxic Masculinity.
- A man should suffer physical and emotional pain in silence.
- A man shouldn’t seek warmth, comfort, or tenderness.
- A man should only have the emotions of bravery and anger.
- A man shouldn’t depend on anyone. Asking for help is also weak.
- A man should always want to win, whether in sports, work, relationships, or sex.
- A man’s penis size commands his level of manliness.
- A man should never cry.
- A man should never show fear.
- A man doesn’t care about fashion or looking good.
- A man eats meat. Never salad.
- A man owns and uses a gun.
- A man doesn’t hug or show affection to another man.
- A man loves and lives by sports.
[i] https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamapsychiatry/article-abstract/2760513
