Borderline Personality Disorder and Unstable Relationships

Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is characterized by a pattern of unpredictability in self-perception, affiliations, and feelings. One of the trademark characteristics of BPD is difficulty in maintaining unwavering and rewarding relationships. This not only affects the person with BPD, but it also distresses those who are close to them. I myself have been through scores of romantic relationships and as many platonic associations; all ending in disaster.
Here are some ways wherein BPD has impacted my past relationships:

1. Idealization and Devaluation: BPD sufferers tend to consider relationships in immoderations. They might originally worship someone, seeing them as perfect, but then gruffly shift to undervaluing them, viewing them as completely negative or even harmful. This "splitting" behavior can be very confusing and hurtful for the other person. I was always amazed when this took place. It was like an on/off switch. One day I adore you. The next I despise you.
2. Impulsive Behavior: Impulsivity is a common trait in BPD. This might manifest as impulsive decisions, risky behaviors, or sudden changes in plans, which can be stressful for partners who may find it hard to predict or keep up. My impulsive behaviors included drug abuse, drug dealing, cheating on girlfriends, fighting, and self-mutilation.
3. Intense and Unstable Relationships: I have had intense, rapidly shifting emotions, which did lead to volatile relationships. It was easy for me to become very close and attached to someone very quickly, but then become fearful of abandonment, leading to behaviors like clinging, jealousy, or possessiveness.
4. Fear of Abandonment: This is a core feature of BPD. I was extremely sensitive to perceived denunciation or abandonment, even if it's not intended. This fear can lead to attempts to avoid abandonment, which might manifest as clinginess or desperate attempts to keep the other person close. It can also force the person with BPD to cut ties early with a partner in an attempt to, “Break up with you before you break up with me.”
5. Emotional Instability: Fluctuations in mood and emotion can be very challenging for both the individual with BPD and their partners. It can be difficult to understand and respond to sudden, intense emotional shifts. Most people cannot “handle” a person with BPD. It takes a strong person, with a deep care and love for the person with BPD, to deal with the symptoms and work toward a future where the symptoms are not prominent.
6. Difficulty with Boundaries: People with BPD can struggle with establishing and maintaining appropriate boundaries in relationships. They might have difficulty respecting the personal space and autonomy of others. Also, we will not let our partners inside our world. We remain secretive and even lie about our lives to hide the truth. [Even if the truth isn’t terrible}
7. Self-Esteem Issues: Individuals with BPD often have a fragile sense of self-worth. This can lead to seeking excessive reassurance and endorsement from their partners, which can be emotionally draining for both parties. This also leads to promiscuous activities; in an attempt to find validation of self-worth and substantiation.
8. Communication Challenges: Expressing needs and emotions can be difficult for someone with BPD, leading to misunderstandings and conflicts in relationships. I have always held my tongue. I would bury my feelings, concerns, needs, etc. This would lead to arguments, accusations, and break ups.  

It's important to remember that while these challenges are common in relationships involving BPD, they are not insurmountable. With the right support, understanding, and therapeutic interventions, individuals with BPD can learn to manage their symptoms and have healthier, more stable relationships.
If you or someone you know is struggling with BPD, it's important to seek help from mental health professionals who are experienced in working with this condition. Therapy modalities like Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) have been found to be particularly effective in treating BPD.
 
~Will