MY BPD Life

​Overview
I have suffered with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) since I can recall. It has held me back from reaching goals, achieving success, having healthy relationships, and living a happy, fulfilling life. BPD has negatively affected every single aspect of my life. This partly due to many misdiagnoses and wrong, harmful medication that i was prescribed. But through perseverance, proper diagnoses, therapy, and hard work, I am beginning to recover, heal and learn how to live life. 

This is the first of a series of blog posts, first informing then recounting particular events, discussing how BPD damaged my life but also how I learned to overcome my symptoms and live a “normal” life. We will begin with getting to know BPD and all its glorious side effects.
Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is a complex mental health condition that affects millions of individuals worldwide. It is characterized by a pattern of self-abuse, drug/alcohol abuse, unstable relationships, poor self-image, and unstable emotions, often leading to impulsive behaviors and difficulty in regulating emotions. Which can lead to legal trouble. While those with BPD can lead fulfilling lives with proper treatment and support, it's crucial to acknowledge the negative side effects that can impact both individuals and their loved ones. Knowing the negatives leads to dealing with and overcoming these undesirable symptoms.

1. Intense Emotional Turmoil

One of the most challenging aspects of BPD is the rollercoaster of emotions experienced by individuals. Extreme highs can quickly turn into devastating lows, making it difficult to maintain stable relationships and a consistent sense of self. This emotional instability can lead to feelings of emptiness, depression, and anxiety. The feeling of emptiness can lead to substance abuse. It’s an easy escape, but not long term. These symptoms can last for days, weeks, months, and years.

1. Impulsive Behaviors

Individuals with BPD may engage in impulsive behaviors such as substance abuse, being promiscuous, reckless driving, self-harm, or binge eating. These actions often serve as a coping mechanism to deal with overwhelming emotions. Unfortunately, these impulsive acts can have severe consequences on physical health, relationships, and overall well-being. Impulsive behaviors can bring with them trouble within the legal system. Being arrested and doing time is common among people with BPD; I am no exception.

1. Unstable Relationships

Maintaining healthy relationships can be a significant challenge for individuals with BPD. The fear of abandonment and an unstable sense of self can lead to intense and stormy relationships. This instability may result in a pattern of intense, short-lived friendships and romantic relationships, creating a sense of isolation and loneliness. Isolation leads to depression and anxiety which leads to more isolation; the cycle seems never-ending.

1. Difficulty in Self-Identity

Establishing a stable sense of self can be elusive for those with BPD. They may struggle with understanding who they are, what they want, and what their long-term goals are. This internal turmoil can lead to confusion, frustration, and a sense of emptiness. Often people with BPD assume many different "identities" throughout their lives, trying to cope and fit in with their peers. But this leads to confusion with who they really are and what they want out of life.

1. Self-Harm and Suicidal Ideation

Individuals with BPD are at a higher risk for self-harming behaviors, suicidal ideation, and suicide attempts. The intense emotional pain they experience can become overwhelming, and they may resort to self-harm as a way to cope. It is crucial to seek professional help if you or someone you know is struggling with these thoughts. If you or a loved one is contemplating or threatening suicide, take it seriously and seek help immediately. I used to self-injure often, since I was 14. It was a coping mechanism. It brought relief when the symptoms of BPD got too strong. My body is covered in scars from a life of self-injuring and countless suicide attempts. I was once ashamed of them and would do my best to hide them. Now I wear them like badges of courage!

1. Difficulty in Occupational Functioning

Maintaining steady employment can be challenging for individuals with BPD due to the emotional instability and impulsive behaviors associated with the disorder. They may struggle with consistent performance, conflicts with coworkers, or difficulty in managing stress, which can lead to difficulties in the workplace. I have had dozens of jobs in my life, due to BPD. It’s difficult to operate in the “real world” while suffering from BPD. We feel out of place, self-conscious, and frightened.

1. Co-occurring Disorders

BPD often co-occurs with other mental health conditions such as depression, anxiety, and substance abuse disorders. These comorbidities can complicate diagnosis and treatment, making it essential for individuals to receive comprehensive care that addresses all their unique needs. I was misdiagnosed my entire life. I just recently received a proper diagnosis of BPD. I went through every possible diagnosis and medication trying to ease my troubled mind. But abusing drugs and alcohol complicated the diagnosing process. These co-occurring disorders can be more harmful when combined with BPD. This can cripple a person mentally, leading to days of feeling lost and halting life progress. 

Conclusion
While Borderline Personality Disorder can present significant challenges, it's important to remember that with proper treatment and support, individuals with BPD can lead fulfilling lives. Therapy, exercise, proper diet, possible medication, and a strong support network can make a tremendous difference in managing the negative side effects associated with BPD. By increasing awareness and understanding, we can work towards a more compassionate and inclusive society for those living with this condition. If you or someone you know is struggling with BPD, seeking professional help is the first step towards a brighter, more stable future.
If you would like to talk to someone who has experience with BPD, please contact me and let me show you how a change in lifestyle (exercise and diet) can help tremendously with BPD and its symptoms.

Next: Part II - Concentrated Emotional Chaos


~Will